Hi! I'm Fivesixer , and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! The item I'm reviewing is "Invalid Item" .

First Impression: Hey Soh ~ Luminousa ! I'm reviewing this as part of "Project Write World"  and I wasn't planning on reviewing items but I did want to comment briefly on this...I feel like what you've described is happening in cities all across the globe, but I appreciate how well you've made this your own. The popnote about the train station was a nice touch as well.

What I Really Liked: You employed some excellent turning of phrases throughout, which bolstered your descriptions..."coordinated aggression" and "Mercedes cocoon" really stuck out as being exceptional. Your italicized breaks are well-timed and fit perfectly with your free-verse read, and ending with "Never stop feeling." leaves readers with an emotion punch. Excellent job!

Spelling And Grammar: I'm not really gonna fault you for spelling or grammar. There are maybe a couple places I might word or punctuate a little differently, but it may just be a matter of preference, and certainly I'm not grammatical genius .

Suggestions: I will say this about your popnote..."train-station" does not need to be hyphenated. And the line that begins with "One worries about..." (just above "Never lock eyes.") really sticks out because of its length...I would find a way to break that up a little. Otherwise, this is a fine piece of work.

Final Thoughts: As I stated earlier, thank you for taking something that is happening all over the world and making it your own. While it's never easy to fully enjoy reading about subjects like this, I appreciate the passion and emotion you've brought to this item. Thank you for entering it!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging!

Write on!
-Norb



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .