Hi! I'm Fivesixer , and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! The item I'm reviewing is "Invalid Item" .

First Impression: Greetings, Alan! I've come across this piece of yours while doing the poetry judging for "Project Write World" , and I did quite enjoy this. I wasn't planning on reviewing each item individually but once I started it was difficult to stop, and I've been moved by everyone's entries in different ways, so I figured I may as well share my thoughts here also.

What I Really Liked: Honestly, please don't take this the wrong way, but I read this almost as a song you'd hear being sung in a raucous pub hidden somewhere in a small British or even Irish town. Were it not for the sad subject matter, I could picture a crowd swaying along, clutching pints and enjoying a loud singalong.

Spelling And Grammar: I know you're on Team Great Britain, and this is written from that perspective, so I can't really fault you for anything spelling/grammar wise. I will admit to having to look up a couple words ...I had no idea "gambol" was a word; I just assumed at first it was "gamble" misspelled. Had I not known this was from a British point of view, I would've picked up on that fairly quickly...you've captured it well, at least in the mind of this American.

Suggestions: I'm not sure if there's really anything I can suggest to improve this. For the most part the rhythm stays consistent throughout, which can make wording difficult at times when you're rhyming like what you have going on. But you've managed to navigate that well by rearranging what could be seemingly common phrases, and that tends to make poems stand out in a positive, more memorable way. Sorry I can't really be more helpful.

Final Thoughts: I hope you don't mind me sharing my opinion of this item...from my perspective it really was enjoyable. And like I said, were it not for the unfortunate subject material, the rhythm on display here would make for an excellent drinkin' song. Thank you for entering this in PWW and for sharing it with us!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging!

Write on!
-Norb



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .