Hi! I'm Fivesixer , and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! The item I'm reviewing is "Invalid Item" .

First Impression: Hey there! I'm reviewing this today as part of judging the poetry portion of "Project Write World" . This certainly has an eye-catching title, and the social commentary in the text does not disappoint. With a few tweaks you could almost turn this into an essay or an editorial column- it's that solid.

What I Really Liked: I appreciate the juxtaposition of the uglier parts of a materialistically superior society against the African tribes "raised in rich cultural values"...almost as if to say "sometimes having nothing means having everything" and I know that came out not as I meant it but I can't think of another way to put it.

Spelling And Grammar: I see no issues with spelling, but the grammar issues have me a little concerned. Mainly, it's the punctuation...it's inconsistent throughout the entire piece. I know...it's a nitpicky little pet peeve of mine to harp on other people's grammar when I myself am no perfect, shining example, but this is a strong piece and giving it another once-over may help you achieve a higher, more deserving rating.

Suggestions: This is kind of piggybacking off of what I just said regarding Spelling/Grammar...after PWW is judged you might want to take another look at this...read it out loud as if you were explaining this as a debate side with someone, and then punctuate it according to how you phrased everything. When you hear it, you might be inclined to tinker with it. But that's only my opinion of course, so take it however you'd like. As I said, I'm certainly no expert!

Final Thoughts: A very intelligent, thoughtful read, almost like a cautionary tale with a moralistic happy ending of sorts. Like I said earlier about it being an essay or an editorial, you could flesh this out with real-life or true-to-life examples or case studies and turn this into a college-level term paper with the way you approached the prompt. Excellent work...I'm glad I got to read and review it, and thank you for sharing your talent in PWW!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging!

Write on!
-Norb



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .