Review number # 5 week of: 1/4-1/11


Hi Rhyssa, your poem came up in random review and it wasn't one about spam. That made me chuckle, remembering all your awesome entries as we competed in those perverse contests by lizco252 I'm looking forward to the next one, how about you?

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: my worst birthday, ever


First Impression: What initially caught my attention was the lack of capitals in the title which added to the sadness of the day being ruined by another move.

What needs your attention:
but I was sure this transfer day
I wouldn’t have to move
‘cause every other Transfer Day
before, I had removed.

I suggest you changed removed to moved.

so tired and sore, on depot porch,
I think adding a before depot will help the sentence flow.

Favorite Parts: The sadness and frustration of the move jumped off the page especially especially in the stanzas about the baggage gaining weight and again when she was crying. I would have been, too!

Overall Impression: The author shared a story about a young woman's 23rd birthday and how it unfolded with an unwanted move with almost notice to prepare and all of the frustrations. It was an engaging read, my heart went out to the woman. I would have had said a lot more to the boss responsible for ruining my birthday had it been me.

Thank you for letting me read your work, Rhyssa. It was my pleasure! Lyn




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .