Hi there, Dianne Lowe Breakfield ! I just read your poem and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I hope you'll find my comments helpful, encouraging, and uplifting!

Initial Reaction

I laughed out loud when you were describing the mother's actions to catch the falling pie. It was like it was in slow motion, which made it even funnier.

Plot

Some parts of the poem were hard to follow. I wasn't sure where the "one room" was or who "they" or "she" were when mentioned in the stanzas.

Flow

The poem did have a generally good flow from one event to another. The snapshots of imagery all seemed connected (despite the bit of confusion over characters/setting.

Grammar/Word Choice

Since this is poetry, and poetry is very free-form, I can't say much with regards to punctuation. And your word choices describing the situation helped contribute to the overall humorous theme of the poem, so they didn't strike me as odd.

Technical Aspects

The only thing that tripped me here was that "terror" and "gore" in the 5th stanza are not quite a true rhyme, so as I was reading along in my head, the rhyme scheme seemed to break here.

Overall Suggestions/Encouragements

This was a humorous and enjoyable poem to read, with vivid images and descriptive language. Perhaps just making it a bit clearer who the other characters are in this poem will make it even better. I enjoyed visiting your port today!

I hope you can take something meaningful from my feedback, and as YOU are the author, please know that at the end of the day, this is YOUR piece and my suggestions are only that--suggestions.

Thank you for sharing your work with the WDC Community!

Write On!

AlyCatAuthor

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .