Hello, Imran Butt

What I liked

There's something poetic about your rather philosophical letter. It avoids precision and achieves universality in that, like many poems, each reader will gain a very personal and often quite different understanding of what you mean — an understanding rooted in their own life experiences — that may also be a completely different meaning to what you originally indended or to what originally inspired your text.

What might need work

A few suggested line tweaks (take 'em or leave 'em!):

To my ideological being, this maybe the most difficult letter that I am writing - To my ideological being, this may be the most difficult letter I ever wrote…

but is also a pursuit to an uncertainty which I have brought on myself. - but it is also the pursuit of an uncertainty that I (have) brought upon myself - the (have) is optional. It changes the line to pluperfect, but it isn't essential to the meaning, doesn't look attractive in the sentence, and is one of the naughty words you should fear overusing. I changed the first article from indefinite to definite (a -> the) because it's a specific rather than a general pursuit.

due to circumstances, dilutions and apprehensions. - did you mean 'delusions'?

the one you had cherished to - again, 'had' makes it pluperfect. Since the first part of the sentence is present tense, you can get enough prior aspect with regular past tense here.

The chances of failure in expressing such emotions may not be reciprocated - I think here you mean: ['There is the chance my feelings may not be reciprocated, and so my approach may fail to achieve the results I desire, but…'

there is a part of me that still has you and only you - I'm not sure what you mean here. If you use a clearer/stronger verb than 'has' then it will become clear, eg. 'still loves you' or 'still misses you' or 'still longs for you' or 'still pines for you' etc.

My way towards my destiny is through this encounter, - This encounter is the route to my destiny, - changes from passive to active.

a rebirth is needed but without closing all the chapters this transaction is impermeable - a rebirth is required, but without exausting all my options the transition is impossible. - whether you change the text or not, a comma is required before 'but' and a period at the end of the sentence.

I hope you understand as maybe I didn’t understand myself and still in a metaphor - I hope you comprehend, since my own understanding is vague and still trapped in metaphor. ???

Toward the end, you miss out a lot of periods. Is this stylistic or simply an omission?


Marked and Sealed in Blood - this is rather a strong statement. It evokes ideas both of a truly heart-felt resolution to do something, but also the supernatural or occult. I'm not suggesting it's wrong or that you should change it, but I'm just pointing it out.

“To be or not to be” is a point one can’t stay too long on but the evolution of - “To be or not to be” is a point one can’t dwell too long on, but the evolution of

secrets and maybe now it’s my time to give back which I had taken for granted - secrets, and maybe now it’s time to give back that which I had taken for granted

God bless you and good luck!

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .