Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon

What I liked

Your haiku provides a really cool visual. I know exactly what you mean by the horses' breath appearing like light being breathed from their mouths.

You follow the traditional 5/7/5 syllable count and also relevant punctuation conventions.

This poem successfully focuses on an individual moment in nature as a haiku should.

What might need work

Ideally, a haiku should contain some word or clue that specifies a season, like leaves for autumn or snow for winter. Your poem specifies a time of day but not a time of year.

A true haiku has a two part form where one part is on two lines and the other is on one. The two parts should be clearly different to one another in some way. For example, the longer part may refer to the general season, then the short part to a specific animal's action in a specific moment of time in relation to that season, so you have a general part and a specific part. There should be a clear break between the two parts. In the best haiku (not mine, unfortunately) there should be a word that marks the separation between the two parts in a distinct way.

I can see that your haiku's two parts are a first part describing something observed "misty dispersion/beneath the dawn's radiance" and a second part that explains where the misty dispersion comes from: "horses breathing light". However, I didn't personally feel it was obvious where the split was on first read.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .