"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  10th Anniversary Year

Member-to-Member Honour Review

Hi Aqua!

I am the Wordy Jay and I'm here to celebrate YOU -- my fellow Power Reviewer -- with a review! (What else?!)

Ahem, I know that today isn't your "official day" but better late than never, right?


Who would have thought of a hobbit-krampus hybrid? The Krambit is a fascinating character and you did a good job describing it in your story. The fantasy-horror crossover is also very unique.

The nature of your storyline makes it necessary for you to write your character's story about Julia before you can move your own story about Tracy Wilkerson forward. However, I feel that the repetition (the overlapping of the 2 stories) took away all the suspense, and made the ending far too predictable.

This isn't the effect you want when writing in the Horror/Scary genre. Unfortunately, I don't have any specific suggestions on how you could go about correcting that.


Here are some suggestions that might be helpful:


Description

Never buy a pen that claims to 'Make stories come true!" Come and see what a Krambit is


Paragraph 1

Tracy Wilkerson was pleased with the new story she was working on.

[How could Tracy have just begun her story if she already had the ending all written out?]


Paragraph 3

She scrapped the piece of paper and tossed it in the direction of the bucket that was already filled with paper balls. More pieces of paper could be found on the floor around it.


Well, that's just my 2 cents' worth! Feel free to do whatever you wish with my suggestions -- whether it is to adopt them, discard them, or anything in between!

A review courtesy of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .