Hello, Greenspring

What I liked

I like that you look at life as a whole rather than simply focusing on creative writing, as some other Dear Me letter writers have done. Your notion of targets is refreshingly different from some others. You provide a nice sketch of your life alongside the summary and goals.

What might need work

A few suggestions:

Think about injecting a little colour and maybe changing the font so that your letter stands out from the crowd a little. There will probably be a hundred entries to the contest, so anything you can do to make your letter stand out from the pile may help your chances.

I've been known to lie about everything and pretend - this makes you sound like a serial liar, but I think you actually just meant " I've been known to lie to myself about everything and pretend"

As my grandma Ivy would say "Child, now is the time for that come to Jesus meeting". - generally, punctuation of speech belongs inside the quotation marks. Personally, I'd punctuate this: As my grandma Ivy would say: "Child, now is the time for that 'come to Jesus' meeting." - to be honest, though, I didn't really understand what you meant by this sentence. Did you mean 'time to meet your maker' or did you mean, 'time to repent and pick up your cross'; I could see either meaning stemming from that sentence.

Real creativity can be found in your everyday life to make those 2 males Angels - with numbers less than a hundred, like the 55 and 2 you use in your narrative, it's considered good style to write them out. Longer numbers, like years or telephone numbers, you'd write out.

it will all make you stronger and the rewards those years are what keeps you going, what gives you thoughts to write about - consider some stronger verbs. For example: it serves to strengthen you, and the rewards reaped from those years of devotion are what keeps you going, what inspires your creative writing.

he says, "I told my friend, just listen,… - I'm unclear at what point in the paragraph this speech ends because there are no closing quotation marks.


Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .