*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4293178
Review #4293178
Viewing a review of:
 Flower's  [E]
A way to smile
by dbingham3
Review of Flower's  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, Newbie! Welcome to WDC. *Flowerw*
This is a Simply Positive Review!


*Painting* I love the essence of your poem with its inspirational message. You give thanks to God, who is the creator of the beautiful flowers, precious petals of geometric colors, scents and stunning feasts for the eyes to behold. And yes, I agree. If only we would open ourselves more to God, it is endless what marvelous things would come to us and the joy we would give and receive. Lovely thought!


Observations:

"FLOWER's," Flowers, plural. Also, the title needs to reflect the plural of flower rather than the possessive use, with the apostrophe "s."

There are several places with repeated "common" words that may have room for improvement in their lines, with stronger, carefully chosen words that will add impact.

Example:

First stanza:
"they say," "These say"
Second stanza: "This allows them to say plenty"
It would be a good idea to knock out a couple of the over used word "say."


"Can bring a smile to one's face
A garden of flowers
Such an array of beauty
A mixture of colors and scents"


*Up* This verse is a little bland as it stands. "Can bring" rather than in does bring, sounds passive. These are things of beauty that command attention and admiration from the observer. Thus, let the reader feel that emotion I believe you are trying to show to us.

*Idea* TRY:

Paints a smile on one's face
Delightful garden bouquet
Splendid array of size and shape
Blending brilliant hues and delicate scents


It basically says the same thing, but with words that are more powerful to pull the readers in and hold their attention.


*Thinker* This is just an idea of how to weave stronger words over weaker ones when describing the flowers.
*Wink*


*Vine1* I loved the spiritual aspect of this poem, it just needs less repeating of weaker words and a little tweak here and there in a few lines to make it shine brilliantly. *Sun*



Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4293178