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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4293217
Review #4293217
Viewing a review of:
 Who Needs the Sun?  [E]
A Haiku for fun. . .
by Weirdone-Back in the games
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hey, there. I am here for a review on behalf of "I Write in December-January-February. Please note that these are my views and are not meant to offend.

First impression
You have written a Haiku, and followed the syllable count, but I just could not make it out whether you are happy for rain or not. The poem tells me about squishy mud and soaked hair, but those can be both good and bad. Only good indicator part of rain that is reflected here is from bare toes. Is that what you intended?

Suggestion
You should not be capitalizing "H" of hair I guess. Rest looks fine.

Parting thoughts
A haiku is supposed to be more than a scene. I feel that this haiku falls short of that depth, but it is good for fun. Haiku is a beautiful form which can be used to convey a lot. I am glad to see that you enjoyed it.

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4293217