This is less of a review and more of an opening to a discussion about Invalid Item . After reading my comments, questions, observations, and suggestions, please feel free to respond with comments, questions, observations, suggestions or even a disagreement. I make absolutely no claim to great knowledge and it is my hope we can learn from one other as writers. Of course, if you prefer to remain silent that is your choice, but you shall be shunned by all society forevermore!



Hello Sir Various

I found this item in Invalid Item 

The Garden at the End is a sci-fi action tale with a strong technology element throughout the story. Overall, I enjoy your writing style which is one of the reasons I chose your story from the list of nominations. I must admit I felt I was thrown into a universe in which I didn't quite completely understand everything that was going on right away, such as the realignment references and the gates themselves. I've read a fair share of sci-fi and watched twice as much in movies and television so I was able to use that experience to fill in some of the gaps until you made it clear in the narrative.

Some questions for you:
In a short story, how much detail do you think is needed when referencing technology? Do you ever wonder if non-sci-fi readers may get lost in the technobabble? If so, how do you (or do you) address that? Do you think lingering questions about technological elements distract from the narrative?

When I write short stories, I always find myself having to sacrifice some element of the story to control length and narrative flow. I had a tough time connecting with your protagonist. He is nameless (Was this by design or just circumstances of the story structure?) and I couldn't quite understand his motives other than he was a guardian and was driven by duty. His emotions were difficult to gauge.


Do you feel that aspects of a short story have to be sacrificed to keep the narrative moving forward or to keep the length of the piece in line with a short story?


One interesting aspect of the protagonist's personality I noticed was he thinks of himself as superior to those around him:

s***. Just over thirty minutes before total system degradation, but stage three already? Those measures were substantial, and I doubted even I would survive.

Even I could not stop the shade now.

I am assuming he considers himself superior to the natives of the universes he protects. There is also a moment when he assumes any communication with natives will fail and that he must be the one to evacuate the Andjenians. These actions play as arrogance. I would also go so far as to say he continues in his arrogance at the story's conclusion. The line...

dependent on the reassurance my technology and presence provided

...seems to ignore the fact that the gate is what brought the Shade to the world. The protagonist's arrogance that he can save these people made me pity him but also made me a little angry with him for bringing certain destruction on these people.

Sir Various, was my reaction to the protagonist your intent? Do you think the reader has enough information about the gates and the guardians to understand the implications of the protagonist's final decision? To me all seems hopeless and he has only managed to accomplish one failure after another.

I think you laid enough groundwork to suggest this guardian had shirked his job in the past and may now be biting off more than he can chew. I think he should have went with the Bunker protocol option suggested by PEG.


I enjoyed this story and it is well written. It certainly allows the reader to dissect its elements. Please let me know what you think of this type of review (it is my first like this) Is it helpful or annoying? Great work and take care. Congratulations on the Quill nomination. It is well deserved.



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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .