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Review #4297914
Viewing a review of:
 A Sense of Purpose  [E]
A baseball team with high hopes inspired this - a poem.
by Tim Chiu
Review by RainbowFish
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hey Tim! I found this with the random review tool. I know it's an old piece, but maybe you'll find some of my ramblings useful anyway!

I like how naturally it all flowed. Like, it felt you were just speaking normally, and it happened to sound poetic, rather forcing it to sound good.

This was written using full sentences, which I liked, however the capital letters at the start of each line kind of got in the way of my reading. I assumed the previous thought had ended which tweaked the tone in my head. I’d suggest putting caps only at the start of sentences, new line or not, to avoid this dissonance. (Unless you’re specifically aiming for dissonance, I guess…but it didn’t really work for me).

I really enjoyed the first stanza. It was powerful and determined. The other stanza were similarly well written, but I didn’t enjoy them as much. I felt a little lost in all the abstract stuff—you know, talking about concepts without giving me a specific character or situation to latch onto. That might be just me, I don’t know.

I quite like how this was a poem about hope that emphasised hopelessness. Like, you say what’s good in the world, but end with “Aimless, tiresome drones” (great line by the way) which instills the opposite of the emotion it was technically encouraging. The extra element of complexity worked well, and made it interesting to read.

Thank you for sharing. So long!
From RainbowFish


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