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Review #4298755
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Like Nessie  
Review by RainbowFish
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hey Tracy! Nice poem *Smile*

Firstly...
I read your intro and used it as a guide for what you were trying to achieve. I've used it as a kind of checklist, and I've given my thoughts on each of the elements you mentioned and how effectively I think they've been implemented. I hope this is the kind of feedback you were looking for!

Sound:
Good! More than just not rhyming, you've used a variety of sounds and stresses to give the poem a uniformly-random, natural sound. I like! So much less try-hard than metered or rhyming poems sometimes are.

Syllable count:
I think you managed the syllable count well. I’m in the “modern” haiku camp where I tend to use fewer syllables, but I think you pulled off the traditional form without being overly wordy.

Snapshot of Nature?
You captured the air of mystery quite well, and I got the sense of something sinking into obscurity. I was able to envision the scene: green, murky water...and excited fisherman up above! However, the image felt incomplete. I didn't have any clue what the object actually looked like. I knew that it was "like Nessie," but I assumed that was just meaning you couldn't see it rather than actually resembling the monster. I didn't know if it was big, small, living, knobbly. I guess it was just a bit too mysterious to feel like a snapshot, for me.

Turn:
The final line didn’t do much for me. Since “Nessie,” a mythical creature, already suggested that the object may-or-may not be real, so asking this explicitly did not change my perception of the poem or provide an “a-ha” moment. It did reinforce the tone of the poem, which is something, but given you were attempting to follow the traditional form, it didn’t quite hit the mark.

Overall:
An atmospharic poem, and well polished in the sound/structure department. I’d definitely suggest seeing what more could be done in that final line. Maybe a better look at the object, so the reader realises it’s not mysterious at all, and maybe laughs? Good luck, whatever you decide.

Thankyou for sharing!
From Rainbowfish


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