Hi paddy1

I am reviewing your flash fiction, "Invalid Item" , for "I Write in December-January-February" .

This story went in a completely different direction to the one I expected. Also, different to the direction your character expected. I began reading, thinking it would be a warm, sexy story of a beautiful holiday in Fiji. Then came the reveal: her partner was leaving her for someone else, and they would be holidaying in Fiji. I love how the reader is surprised at the same moment as your character. That's clever.

The ending made me laugh out loud. "Killing is easier than I expected." So wrong, but I can't help but feel sympathy for the woman. It was a surprise, and you threw it in really casually at the end. Brilliant!

The only place I would change is the dialogue. I would use speech marks and separate lines. I appreciate this is a 100 word story, so it doesn't matter too much. But it does make dialogue more clear in general. Just my opinion.

This is a really enjoyable little story. I love how it takes the reader by surprise. I love the last line. It's an enjoyable read!

Choconut



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .