Hello Katie-James Grace !

I'm offering this review because you're a new member. Please remember that everybody has different tastes. This critique is the opinion of only one person and offered in the spirit of constructive criticism with a hope that it will prove useful if you decide to further develop or edit your poem.

What I liked.

What you have so far is very powerful. Your word choices are great and your protagonist interesting. The premise is also a good one. I presume this is for the "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . If so, I think that if you worked on this a little more then you could have a strong entry.

What I feel may need improvement.

In your brief description, you state that your story is 1411 words long. It isn't. It's actually 1411 characters long, but only 271 words long. That's far too short to work well in a contest where the word count limit is 2000 words, unless your story is particularly stunning.

As I said, your writing is powerful. I got a good feeling for Clair's mindset. Also, I did feel that her problem made her a sympathetic character. However, I didn't get much more about her. I mean, what's her big issue with Loki? How old is she? What's her job, or is she a schoolgirl? Is she Icelandic, since her nemisis has an Icelandic/Norse name? What are her interests other than killing Loki? Does she have any friends or family. Of course, you don't need all of this in a short story, but you do need some background worked in to make Clair feel like a real, three-dimensional person.

The plot you have so far is interesting and certainly has tension/conflict. However, it's not really complete because the reader doesn't have a clear idea of "what's at stake" (ie. why does she feel an urge to kill Loki? eg. does she need to kill Loki in order to prevent him blowing up the Earth or simply to stop him stealing her grandmother's pantaloons from the washing line?) and the ending doesn't supply any "resolution" or "closure".

Settings also need a lot of work. What country are we in? What season is it? What time period is it? What culture does Clair belong to? What does her bed feel and smell like? Such sensory details can add a lot to a story. For example, if when in her bed "Clair stretched out and stroked the comfortingly smooth silk sheets and breathed in the calming scent of lavendar" we'd get a very different feeling for the situation to if "Clair wrinkled her nose at the sour stench of stale beer waftling from her bedsheets and vowed that today she'd do some laundry. Turning, the sticky sheets followed her out until gravity peeled them away. Perhaps she should just throw them in the trash and buy new sheets."

I'd recommend you take a look at a few good quality entries to "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"  in order to get a feel for the kind of length and quality you're aiming for as well as examples of how better to present a character. Here's one written by a respected member of the site who has performed well in contests over a period of time.

STATIC

The Trouble with Resurrection  (18+) Aaron was back. Now what? Quotation Inspiration Winner, Feb 2017 #2111353 by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Conclusion.

You're clearly a talented writer, but if this is an entry into the "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"  then it needs some serious character and setting development as well as a more complete plot arc.

Thank you for sharing your poem with me. Since you're a new member of this community, please check out "Invalid Item" We want to award the best new authors on this site, so please enter either a poem or a short story. Read the rules before posting an entry.

Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #1873271 by Not Available.

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .