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Hi there!


I am the Wordy Jay , and I'm reviewing your work because
you're featured in the February NAG Showcase.

Overall: I was most amused when I read that this poem is a quasi-reflection of you and your wife's first kiss! I'm glad that little snafu didn't "ruin your chances" though -- all's well that ends well!


Praise: Personal experience is always a great source of inspiration! Your ability to laugh at yourself and put a humorous spin on things made this poem a fun and entertaining read.


Comments: I'm afraid the poem doesn't "flow" too well, as the rhythm and rhyme isn't very consistent. If you're not a great fan of form poetry, why don't you write this fully in free verse instead?


Suggestions:

Line 3, Stanza 1

I‘m now love's biggest fan

I believe there's an apostrophe missing.


Lines 3 and 4, Stanza 4

Where's the fire I missed?
Why no sudden bliss?

Personally, I think this choice of words "flows" better.


Conclusion: If Mrs. Bobric doesn't read the stuff you post on WDC, you could perhaps consider making this lighthearted poem part of an anniversary gift! After all, it does commemorate your first kiss as a couple. (Unless, of course, it's a memory your wife has been trying to erase!)


Disclaimer: The above review is just my 2 cents' worth! So feel free to do whatever you wish with my opinions/suggestions -- whether it is to adopt them, discard them, or anything in between!

Thanks for sharing your work -- Keep Writing!


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .