Hello, maryccasey

What I liked

To me, this seems a perfect sijo. It has a feeling of rhythm as I read it aloud, the central 'pause' is clear in each line, the second line produces a turn (zooming in from general talk about months to a specific moment with the daffodil) and then the final line begins with a twist, the second switch of viewpoint from nature to the individual speaker talking about material, human things and yet still related to the changing weather (cold but anticipating the warmth of spring). Great word choices, and the visual of the polka to the waltz was great.

What might need work

Ideally, each line should also be divisible into quarters by the clauses or phrases. Yours currently appears to fall into thirds quite naturally. However, that's a small point and not a key element of the form, and not something I'd worry about at all when you have such natural rhythm and general adherance to the sijo form.

http://www.ahapoetry.com/SIJO.HTM

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .