I found this item while perusing the "Read a Newbie" page.

I noticed upon first read of this poem that it has many strengths and only a few places that could be shored-up a bit.

I know it is free verse, which could be "anything goes" interpretations. However, as poets of free verse/form, we want people to appreciate our words, find a feel for the momentum so it will carry them through and let them take away with them a special morsel of remembrance from the words we chose to share with them.

I love many things about your poem, being a person who appreciates the free form. It is not as easy as folks may think, because good free form does have personality, rhythm and several other ways of weaving just the right words together to have reader "appealability."

Observations:

"Fresh hope drives me, afresh with vigor,"
"Fresh" and "afresh" are so close to being repetitive, especially since they share the same line. I suggest changing one of them for another compatible word.

"Holding fast, enjoying the ride,
Life fills my core."
These two lines are a little weak in comparison to many of the lines in your poem.

TRY:
Clutching quickly, caressing the ride
As life's full force fills my core

This is just a quick example adding emphasis and a little meat to the bones of the original lines.

Loved this part:

"The light of each day sparks inside me,
Igniting the passion that stirs within."

Nice!

The ending was clever and amusing -- fine play on words.

You responded to this review 02/14/2017 @ 5:15pm EST

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