I am reviewing this poem because it came up on the Random Review click.

There is so much that can be packed into so few lines. Your poem begins to paint a picture in my mind, about a writer's thoughts. His pen to paper ideas that are yet to be completed, and there is still a mystery as to how they will combine, to complete the work that was started.

I know the author's note states this is an unfinished piece. I commend you for getting these words posted in your portfolio. I do have a little suggestion for what is there so far ...

Observations:

"Far beneath the surface
Come down, reach far"
TRY:
Far beneath the surface
Reach down and deep inside

The repeat of the word "far" within consecutive lines, could be replaced with another word, since this is such a short piece. You don't want a handful of lines to sound monotonous because of a couple repeated words.

Choosing just the right word to weave into that line, could add emphasis. This is not a rhyming verse where the last word has to rhyme, thus the possibilities are vast.


"You haven't been in place yet
To meet the face yet"

TRY:
You haven't been in place yet
To trace and meet the face yet

More rhythmic, and has better emphasis with those couple added words.

This is a good start. I like the thought process behind this poem. It shows a real writer at work, and a work in progress is a step closer to perfection.

You responded to this review 02/28/2017 @ 10:00am EST

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