This is an "Invalid Item"  review    

When A Buffalo Falls
by KZN

Chapter 14

Here we go. Hunter is after a hidden snipper in a diffcult location. This is called Gale's logic hits Mervyn's beautiful writing. Reactions are on my first reading.

>>> ...shadowed by the dark blue column that loomed above them.
There is lots of good description of the location. But I have one question.
The canyon floor runs north-south, and the shooter is above the east rim. That much is clear. And I figured out that Katie was left behind rocks on the western side of the canyon floor. So...Is Hunter trying to cross the canyon floor to the base of the eastern side below the shooter?
And the blue column must be near the eastern canyon wall? And Hunter is searching for a way to climb up?

You see, this chapter is very specific and we have to have a very clear mental vision of the geography and Hunters movement through it. The place is beautifully described so I know you have an image of the layout. I assume that Hunter must cross a wide, dry stream bed to reach the cover of the rocks behind the column. (?) If the rocks are in the shadow of the column, they have to be on the east side, closer to the canyon wall. Setting sun shadows are clues and all that.(?)

>>> ...positioning himself in a way that offered a wide view of the roof that stretched across the skyline.
This tells me Hunter is far out near the center of the canyon floor to be able to see the top edge of the eastern wall.

.>>> ..turning he looked across to the opposite wall.
That would be the western wall, which should be all in shadow now.

>>> Fifty feet ahead a smooth stand-alone rock rose ten feet off the ground with a flat surface at its top.
Confusion about 'stand-alone' because it seems that it has to be 'attached' to the canyon wall in order to have a path leading up. (?) Something like an attached rock protuberance about ten feet high, level on the top.
Now if the rock is really stand-alone it would require a jump across an open space to reach the path-ledge. Is that what you mean? That is not clear from the initial sighting of the area. Excitement and tension can be built with Hunter's analysis and concerns about that dangerous move.

Throwing the rifle would make noise and very risky to damage the weapon. I think most most experienced rifle men would have a strap, even a leather holster, to carry it on their back leaving their hands free, especially for climbing. (?)

>>> Hunter snatched up the Remington, leaped across the small divide and landed on the narrow ledge. He quickly shuffled out of sight behind the stone mass.
What if he need both hands to catch himself? Makes it harder to believe. How wide is the gap?
The 'stone mass' is another confusion for me. If he is on a narrow ledge on the face of the canyon wall, he would be almost straight down from the rim above and could not be seen, especially if the area is in shadow. (?) UNLESS the canyon wall is sloped more in a V shape. Then the shooter could still see down.

>>> The cliff rose above him as a solid sheet of stone,
This seems to suggest it is more a vertical rise. Help visualize.

>>> The narrow path was steeper than Hunter had first imagined. It rose away from in him like a broken arrow, bent, and furrowed, and covered with loose slated-stone and pebbles.
Sounds like for sure he needs that rife strapped to his back to climb safely. More excellent description.

FINAL COMMENT: A simple action? Cross the canyon floor and climb...turns into a complex geographical puzzle. I have no problems with the writing, you are getting more and more polished. To make this work, think about exactly how it looks using the sun cast shadows, distances, cover and exposure to help us see the location as Hunter moves through it. When he slams into the rock face his hands reach and touch what? Perfect landing or a little slip, re-grab, gain a footing, sounds of crumbled pieces hitting the ground far below. Narrow-in on the several extreme moments of physical risk and emotions involved. It's almost there. Add that to your wonderful descriptions and it is a real winner!
Best, Gale



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .