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This is it! Are you ready? The final review of this episode!

Heh. The combination of title and picture puts me on edge. I start reading, and I remember this chapter, but it's gotta be an interesting thing for a new reader to click on, and then go into reading the chapter wondering how the title relates to the picture.

Me, I don't remember how the title relates to this chapter, so I've got that going for me.

I kind of want to find something to help me stall before getting into the copy-paste part of the review, because as exciting as it is to be about to have another episode under my belt, it's also going to make me sad. Every episode reviewed means being that much closer to being done reviewing them all.

I know, I know, there's still tons to go! But the thought is still there.


not actually seeing the carved headstone that showed up in the snow.
         That “showed up in the snow” doesn't work. That makes it sound like there was just snow there a short time a go, and then suddenly a headstone showed up. [So what's the alternative, Chy?] Well, the easiest thing to do is just delete “that showed up”: carved headstone in the snow.
         Befroe we move on, I want to say that this is the end of a very long sentence. There's so much information in it that it reads like a run-on. I really think it ought to be split up into two sentences. Let the first one take care of saying where he is, and that it's a common occurrence while he's in DC. Let the second one set the ambiance of hands in pockets and snow.

like it had been the last times he’d come here
         Either: the last few times
         Or: the last time (singular)
         Also, hey, is that a episode title shot in the first half of this sentence? Hmm?

All of a sudden, since he
         I'm picking on this “All of a sudden” because it doesn't line up here. And once the entire sentence is read, it seems even more out of place. I think it just needs to be deleted.

these visits grew more an habit than a necessity,
         Should be: these visits had grown into more of a habit than
         Or something along those lines.

gazing down at a written piece of marble,
         That word “written” should most probably be “engraved”
         I feel like I've said this before, but I so sympathize with him here. It really does seem useless, after a time, to visit graves—for all the reasons he lists right after this.

The guilt over being back to the field
         That “to” should be “in”
         And this paragraph! Oh, this paragraph kills me! {e:--what? There's no broken heart emoticon! What! Ugh.
{indent]It is such a great and powerful paragraph.

Under a light snowfall in that cold January noon,
         I sat here and debated what that “in” should be—I mean, if it was “that cold January morning,” that “in” should be “on.” But I couldn't figure out what was solidly...correct...to use with noon. Things happen in the the afternoon, in the morning, but something can happen on a cold morning and...
         I was just going around and around a vortex of my own confusion until a little corner of my mind finally whispered, “Yo, Chy, why's there gotta be a preposition?”
         Ah! That's the solution! This: light snowfall that cold January noon,
         But then I said, “Now it sounds like he's recalling some other noon, though.” To which the little corner replies, “Whatever, I did my work here.” Ugh, that corner, am I right?
         Well, what about: Under the light snowfall of that cold January noon
         All this, because I knew “in” was wrong. And that's why a comment that might take someone else ten seconds can, at times, take me five or ten minutes.

Burton’s irony came back to his mind.
         This makes it sound like he's thinking of the irony of Burton's very existence, rather than the irony Burton portrayed. How about being more specific to clear this up, with something like: Burton's ironic smile came back
         Or perhaps: Burton's ironic tone came back

And out of some weird spark of synapsis,
         That should be “synapses,” unless you're using some spelling I wasn't aware of, which has certainly happened in my past.
         And, of course, I totally understand that spark. Have experienced that spark many times. Many times. Following along how he gets to his conclusion? Yeah, very sympathizable.

A chill ran down Brock’s spine and he scowled down
         See the repetition of the word “down”?

Gosh, Brock couldn’t bring himself to even think the words.
         Remember that thing we talked about with words like “Gosh”? This is such an instance. This one needs to die. But I don't think you need to put anything in its place. Buy-lieve me, the direness of the situation, what with this scene taking place at Georgia's grave, is more than apparent.

So Burton thought that would help
         And you really don't need this, “So”--just so ({e:ha}) you know.

Surely he had commented it with Mattock,
         Either: he had made comments to Mattock,
         Or maybe: he had discussed it with Mattock,

She wanted to get the work done out of her own steam.
         Should be: done on her own steam.

She’d taken on a poorly-managed field
         No need for that hyphen.
{Indent]By the way, really glad to see he dismisses that Cooper could be a part of this mad scheme.

He felt outraged at figuring that out, and the feeling went back home with him,
         Okay, the thing is, this reads as clunky, compared to your usual style. And I'm trying to figure out why so I can get to a suggestion. Okay, for one, the “at figuring that out” is completely unnecessary. There is absolutely no doubt about why he's outraged. But taking that out makes this: He felt outraged and the feeling went
         That makes “felt” and “feeling” too close together, and that's fine anyway because I'm already not a fan of reading “He felt” there—it's odd, like the narration saying “He felt” rather than “He was” is trying to put me a step away from the narration somehow. But we all know “be” verbs are what we're trying to use less of, right?
         So what about really cutting down, and yet (in my opinion, anyway) keeping everything that's here: His outrage went back home with him,

boarded his plane to sit right by him.
         I don't know that “by” is actually incorrect, to tell you the truth, but I would have to change it to “beside,” and so I'm telling you that.
         Love this imagery, by the way.

every time his mind kindly brought back Burton’s last smile,
         The “No matter how many times” beginning of this sentence calls for a specific kind of structure here. There may be other options, and probably are, but this is what comes to my mind: his mind kept kindly bringing back
         Could I make another suggestion, though? How about: his mind kept replaying Burton's last smile,
         I suggest that because, for some reason, “bringing back” and “brought back” used for this, reads like something I'd write with full intent of figuring out a word that more closely says what I mean on a later draft.

and it was like a spadesful of firewood to his boiling anger.
         spadeful
         I gotta ask, though, what a “spade” is to you. Because to me, it's a shovel with a narrow, long blade—not something I'd use to put wood on a fire. What about cord? Like: it was like a cord of firewood to his
         I'm afraid that's the only firewood measurement I can come up with off the top of my head. It's a lot of firewood, but that seems to match up with what you're saying.

and frowned at seeing it was Russell.
         This wording just doesn't fit? Go right? Easiest fix: frowned when he saw it was Russell.
         If You're in love with “frowned at”: and frowned at the caller ID. (The narration says Russell's name soon enough that we can wait.)

Russell didn’t give him a chance to say even hi.
         Word order: to even say

They just received a threat to the unit and we think it can be a bomb.”
         All right, belt in, I got a few things to say about this line—the very last line of the episode, omigosh! Ahem.

--Here I had to break off to go get my son from school, then do some sundry things when I got back, and checked FB to kill the time I had until I had to wake Mike from his nap (d'awww, ain't he cute?) because I didn't want to get interrupted. I saw your email just before then, but I will persevere! I will finish this review before I let that email tempt me! Here I go.--

Okay, so about that final line of the episode—If everything else about that line I'm about to bring up is off the menu for change, then “can” should still be “could”. Now, about that “everything else” I mentioned...

Is “they” the same thing as “the unit”? That's the SCU, right? If it is, everything's cool, 'cause I assumed correctly. The thing is, the “they” throws me. Who's this mysterious “They”? If it is the unit, why not just say: The unit just received a threat

Now, let's pretend that “can” has been exchanged for “could” when we talk about the rest of the sentence. (Here's another option, just in case: and we think it might be a bomb.) So here's the thing, it's not meshing up. Let me see if I can explain. (And before I do, I'm not even trying to remember what the next episode is like, or where this sentence is leading. I'm reviewing this line solely as it pertains to being the final line of this episode—and Mr. Hook for the next episode.)

Here's my thought process: if they received a threat, that implies a verbal/paper/e-mail—something consisting of words and not a physical object, aside from a piece of paper something might be written on. If a something else came with it, and they think that thing is a bomb, then this should be: The unit received a threat, and we think a bomb came with it.

Or: and we think it came with a bomb.

Or maybe something akin to: The unit received a package with a threat. And we think it's a bomb.

But if it's nothing but the threat, it'd be: The unit received a bomb threat. (I don't think this one's right, though, because I do remember bits and snippets of the next episode, ay.)

Am I making sense? Of course, I totally concede I could be way off on all accounts. Let me know and we'll discuss however much you like!


Dude, I so very much dig the full circle—first chapter, we see Ron's bomb-detecting machine. And then the episode ends like this and that bomb detector is the very first thing I thought of. That's just awesome! I wish I could fully convey how completely cool I think that is.

Wow, what else? This wasn't at all the first time you kicked off the next episode before the current episode was finished, was it? I like how when the gangbanger's family home blows up, it seems like we're going to get deep into another case, but instead we do a lot characterization and realization, and then end with that a threat—or a bomb threat—or a threat and a likely bomb. I do feel like we got a lot done in this episode and came a long way, so that cliffhanger is cool one. (Especially since of that full circle thing I already mentioned. )

At this point, in the thick of the episodes, it's really hard to sort out what's come before this episode and what comes after. That's what I get for reading ahead! Oh, I wouldn't trade it for the world, though.

But you know, ask me anything you wanna ask. It's discussion time!

Chy

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .