Hello, pinkbarbie! I'm Charlie. How are you doing today? I'm working on reviewing different WDC genres for the "Invalid Item"  and stumbled upon your story, "Invalid Item" . I hope this review finds you well! Thanks for sharing your writing with us.

First Impression/Hook: The dialogue in the beginning of the store proved to be a good hook. I was interested in finding out what James was being accused of and the opening dialogue kept me reading. I like the title too because it made me curious about what the nature of the big mistake.

Plot/Pacing: I genuinely like the plot to this story. I didn't really see the ending coming, even as I got closer to it. I thought that Victoria had just finally gotten the guts to call the police on James and get him arrested for his abuse. Of course, it turned out to be something much more sinister. As for the pacing, I thought it could've been better. The beginning opens in such a natural way with the dialogue and then there's a strange throwback that wraps around to, Coming back to that morning... It didn't read as a natural way to tell a story.

Characterization/Dialogue: The only dialogue was in the opening scene of the story. I thought it was well done. James seemed like he had something to hide, but we know now that what he was trying to hide was the extent of his abusiveness. Still, it makes it seem like he did something more and I think that's a precursor to him getting charged with the crime as Victoria wanted. I enjoyed Victoria's character, but I didn't think she was super well-developed. I felt bad for her, but would like to see more action rather than just a flashback of her thinking.

My Favorite Part: I liked the ending because it added a bit of a twist and it wasn't too predictable. It's sad that Victoria felt that was her only way out, but it's an interesting idea to have her spirit nearby to see her handiwork play out and destroy James's life for good.

Mechanics/Suggestions: There were a couple mechanical errors. Examples provided below:
Examples ▼
Other than that, I thought the flow of the story could use some improvement. I would work on showing the reader who the characters are and what happened rather than telling them through straightforward memories that the characters tell us about from their thoughts.

Overall: All in all, I liked the plot of the story. I thought it could be better executed with an emphasis put on characterization and a more natural arrangement to the story. Thanks again for sharing with us!


Best wishes.


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .