Hello, Mina~!

I'm offering you this review in celebration of Earth Day, which is marked on the 22^nd April every year, and on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge" 

Thank you for being aware of our planet and the environment.

What I liked

I loved your story poem about a fiendish mosquito's attack. I particularly liked how in spite of much effort on your part the determined mosquito won the day.

What might need work

Consider manipulating your lines so that each line contains the same number of syllables. Ten would be a good number because it would approximate pentameter. This would help the AA rhymes sound like true couplets. Formal iambic pentameter would be nice, too, but not entirely necessary.

I grabbed it into my fist - consider: I grasped that demon in my trembling fist (10 syllables in metre)

But escaped for I had missed - confusion of subject, ie. the mosquito should be the subject of the initial clause, but you don't use a subject name or pronoun - But it escaped and flew for I had missed.

And I found it on the photo hook - what's a photo hook?

As to succeed toward its goal. - sounds awkward - and then proceeded to achieve its goal

Then it bit and started to eat - good line, but you missed a chance for alliteration with bit and began - Then biting it began its meal to eat.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .