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 Review #4318938 |
  Happy Earth Day!   and Congratulations on being part of the NAG Showcase!I was drawn to the title as the idea of Red mountains was appealing and your tag line gave a good clue to the theme of your poem. Congrats on the pretty awardicon! The personal I voice is a good choice for this free verse poem and your first line invites me to join in your vision. It makes access immediate. The word "rusty" is vivid even without the word "coloured" as it is a colour. Do you need it? mmm. I do see where it adds another hard "d" sound to your verse.  The first verse sets up the scene and the next reveals what you see and how they enchant you and how nature brings you to awareness. I can relate to that magic for sure! The couplet form, though not rhyming, gave pause between each of your descriptions. The tense is consistent and the poem coherent. It flows from the image of the physical world and ends within the mind of the dreamer. The words you use to give the idea of its lure are effective and I wondered how mountainous could be scary. I liked the look of the page as well. I did think that the second line of verse 2 repeated ideas as "capture" and "entrance" have similar meanings and you did say you were "fixated" in the first verse. You reiterate the alluring" part in the next verse as well. I am not sure how I would change it --I just recall reading that it is good not to repeat ideas so close together but to use variety. Of course, you could be trying to emphasize the magic. It does not spoil the read, just something to think about on other occasions. I was expecting to see a more vivid and picturesque description to really bring it to life. "beauty" tends to mean a lot of things in general. I like the image of the mind emptying as I think of a desert as looking empty yet below its deceptive appearance, there is life and so the symbol for the calm mind finding a truth really works here. Brilliant! I enjoyed the flow of the last verse with its authentic tone and knowing. The idea of the last line is wonderful way to say what a writer does.  I wondered about making the line even more potent by dropping the "and" and giving full energy to the world "giving"! It makes it stand more certainly like the mountains. I imagine this view is magnificent and your poem evokes that notion well. I enjoyed entering the vision and your intent to share your appreciation of these mountains and their value is well accomplished. I enjoyed my visit. Thanks for sharing your calming vision and your craft at WDC! Keep on writing!Light on the path as you write on! |
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You responded to this review 04/27/2017 @ 10:36pm EDT