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Review #4318972
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by A Guest Visitor
In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, Lisa Noe

I'm offering you this review in celebration of Earth Day, which is marked on the 22nd April every year, and on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge

Thank you for being aware of our planet and the environment.

What I liked

Awesome theme about the beauty and majesty of Creation, and our evil part in its demise. Well done, Lisa!

What might need work

In the forum, Ken noted that you have too many lines in your poem for the contest, 35 when the maximum allowed is 20. Well, my dear, I has a naughty trick what i use when people set me a line limit like that. Watch dis:

God’s dream fulfilled; green Earth, blue seas - capitalise Earth - tis a name, my dear.
Fowl of the sky, fish of the ocean;animals of every sort on land,
And then there is man; God gave us the world, one of His most precious gifts. - capitalise pronouns relating to God

What must God think of we, His children?
We take God’s beautiful gift, His Creation, - I'd tend to capitalise Creation" in this context, though it's not necessary
We destroy it with everything that we do.
We pollute the air, The land,
The streams and seas.
The mountains laid bare with the destruction of trees.
What must God think of you and of me?

Coal stripped from the land, oil polluting the ground, - consider oil slipping into the ground to echo "coal stripped"
Pouring into the ocean — too many barrels to count.
Little creatures becoming extinct, because we hunt them for sport.
Nuclear and chemical warfare we seek!
This is what God must see when He sees us: "My children are bringing about their own demise." - capitalise pronouns that relate to God and present His thoughts in speech marks here.

Look around you, tears will then fall, because we take from God’s gift , - comma before "tears"
Throw it back in His face, then we say we’re the smartest, - consider: then we say we're smarter.
The human race; but we are the ones who will cause us to lose all - note "ones" NOT one's
God lowers His head and says “it is finished”.

19 lines, innit!

Note that I merely changed your punctuation and arrangement a bit to ensure it was less than 20 lines. Always works for me, my dear. *Wink*

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob *BigSmile*

April 22nd is Earth Day!


*LeafG*Review given on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge*LeafG*



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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/23/2017 @ 4:54pm EDT
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