Hello!

I found this in the review request forum and thought that I would drop by to leave my notes.

I think you've got an excellent rough draft of a chapter here. Like any draft, it could use some polishing, but I think it's a great starting point and the story has a lot of potential.

I do have two quick suggestions for you. The first is to consider color-coding and or annotating your notes as they appear in the story. Maybe make an author's note in the item explaining that it's a rough draft and then putting the notes/questions in a different color so people can easily see what areas you're looking for the most feedback on.

My name is Hope and this is my story. It’s not always a happy story and it’s not always funny though I try to make it so. But it’s mine. (leave this out?)

(Like for this section, right here.)

The second suggestion would be to try and expand just a little more on Hope's character and the emotions that she's feeling. I get the feeling that she's complex and well developed as a character, but I didn't get to see a lot of that, and the focus of the story was more on the events than her thoughts and feelings, which makes it harder to relate even though I can see that she has a lot of layers.

That being said I like that she has flaws and insecurities in addition to her strengths, and her ability to share her story with good graces in retrospect.

Thank you for sharing your work, and I hope that this helped some.

all the best,


-Cat









My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .