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 Review #4327089 |
 | The Sirens.  [E] the Sirens song should always be feared.  |
| (4.0)  Hiya inkwell! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!   I was lured by your title and mythological theme concerning sirens. You really did a good job to show their deceptiveness as it was easy to follow their ploy from your description. The short verses are fun to read with effective rhyme scheme and warning tone! I did notice a specific line syllable rhythm and yet it did not detract from the read. I notice you need to use apostrophes to show possession as in words like "Sirens' song" and "that's" for "that is"  Your verses are quatrains except for one which only has three lines. Was there a reason? It breaks the pattern. I don't think you need a comma after "them" in verse 7 but do need a comma or colon after "are" to connect to the last lines which do not make a complete thought. Just a thought.  The contrast of their beauty and their change is well shown and I like the imagery in verse seven. Your warning about these creatures is potent right from the start with your stark second line! Good hook! I wondered if there was a more specific descriptive word than "beautiful" to add to clear visual.  I was entertained by this evocative tale which would certainly alert all who would listen! Wonderful piece of folklore!  Light on the path as you write on! eyestar ** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable ** "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/02/2017 @ 10:16am EDT