Hello!

I found this in the review request thread, but you didn't mention if you were looking for feedback on any specific aspect of the story. Since you said all comments were welcome, I figured that I would drop in and try my hand at being helpful, even though I don't know a lot about westerns.

My first thought is that it seems interesting, and wastes no time getting to the action (which seems to be a staple of the genre, from what little I know.) I liked that the excerpt was short and gripping all the way through - the only downside of this is that it is just an excerpt, at this length, I have no idea what's happening in the story or even what the book might be about (past the genre, obviously.)

That being said, I think you should keep writing the book because it probably has a lot of potential, and you obviously have a knack for the language.

I also have a few quick formatting, editing tips if you're interested in those:


Should probably be:



This indicates that it's the revenge of one man. (And actually there are a few other instances in the piece where a possessive has been turned into a plural)



Should have a comma in it:



This indicates that the speaker is addressing the person, in this instance Richmond. (There are a couple instances of this as well.)

And finally, indenting. Traditionally the beginnings of paragraphs should be indented, or since this is being hosted online, lines of space between each paragraph are equally acceptable - but it makes it just a little bit easier for the readers.

I hope that this advice was helpful in polishing up this great piece, and I wish you all the best in continuing work on your story.

All the best,


-Cat









My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .