Found this item on the "Please Review"  site. Happily, I was compelled to keep reading to the end. So, as far as that goes, you've accomplished your primary task, which is keep the reader reading.

You suggest that this is the start of a novel, so questions of plot development and character evolution will have to wait for evidence from the text. Based on this sample, though, I'd say you're off to a good start. You clearly know what you're doing and your prose assures the reader that they can trust you with their suspension of disbelief. Of course, that's a gift that's easily revoked.

Excerpt or not, it pretty much stands on its own as a short story. My only complaint was one that nagged at me as I was reading. You have an innovative set-up, and you do a good job of acclimating the reader to a universe that has a different set of parameters than the everyday world. But I kept worrying that you were going to spend all your time hovering about your set up and never quite get down to cases. That fear was largely unfounded; the development, when it appeared, was inevitable, surprising and satisfying.

However, my initial assessment remains: you spend a lot of time with the set up. We see your characters in this conversation and that situation, but for the most part, they just go about their business. True, much is revealed through these maneuverings, but you might want to consider introducing a problem of some sort earlier on, just to trigger that most crucial of responses in the reader: Gosh, I wonder what's gonna happen next. I doesn't matter how much the context shifts, until someone has a problem that needs attention, it's all just more of the same.

I love the problem that actually appears, and the decisions and actions are exactly what is called for. Of course, with any healthy plot, there are consequences for those decisions and actions, usually unintended and unanticipated, leading to new decisions and new actions, but I guess we'll have to wait for further material to be posted to find out about them. Fortunately, what you have here doesn't depend on the promise of things to come.

I confess, I didn't get the plural, gender neutral pronouns used throughout, even after the reference that was meant to account for them. It seemed an unnecessary affectation. But that's just me.

Nice work.