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Review #4339214
Viewing a review of:
 Sharp Edges   [E]
A poem depicting a girl's emotional struggles.
by Lydia
Review of Sharp Edges  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Lydia

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and everyone has different opinions.

First Impressions: On my first read through of this poem, it really affected me. I found it sad, and it tugged at my heartstrings. It is simple and brief, yet so powerful at the same time.

Voice/Tone: You've written this poem in the third person. I find this interesting because I have a feeling it's written about your own experiences. Sometimes, it's easier to depersonalise it a little, though. It certainly works in the third person. The desperation the subject feels is well defined. It sounds as though they are tired of fighting every day to make it through, and the anxiety and fear they feel runs through the entirety of the poem. The hatred towards those who don't notice their pain, those who laugh and make it worse, is huge. She wants to obliterate them; to obliterate everything. Which makes me so sad. I can relate to that sentiment. I can relate to this poem.The subject just wants people to understand her and see her soul, which she will bare by ripping herself open. It's powerful stuff.

Mechanics: This poem is cleverly written in free verse. I usually don't like as much repetition as you have used (with the word one), but I think it really works here. It emphasises the hurt and pain. I think it's interesting how you include throwing rocks at both other people and yourself. Also, at your fear. The thing that is slowly killing you.

My Favourite Part: I love the end. "So the sharp edges / Tear her open." It feels like the pain will be a brief release of the mental pain that is constant. Also, by tearing yourself open, people will finally see how much pain you're in. I like that metaphor.

Suggestions: My only suggestion is to try writing it in the first person. As an experiment. You may find it helps you channel even more emotion to put into it.

This is a great, little poem. I really like it. It's different to any others I've read, and I think you've done a great job of capturing the feelings of pain and despair in just a few words.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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