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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4350742
Review #4350742
Viewing a review of:
 Impious Hearts  [E]
Science Fiction story set in the distant future.
by SamMcG
Review of Impious Hearts  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings from the White Walkers and the "Game of Thrones! I'm Stephanie, and I'm here to provide you some feedback.


*Snow1* First Impressions *Snow1*
I chose your story to review because, as a newbie, it's important to get feedback to help grow and learn.


*Snow2* Best Elements *Snow2*
I was intrigued half-way through the story. I was a big fan of Star Trek back when I was a teenager and still a fan of Star Wars today. It takes me back to the crew of the Enterprise.


*Snow3* Suggestions *Snow3*
This could just be my point of view, but the beginning was rather boring to me. I know some of the things are important to know but going through every thing the ship can do and it's technical wording can be rather daunting, to read and to write. I would suggest spreading it out a bit. When people read scifi they expect the action you brought towards the end of the story.
There was only one grammatical error which is probably an oversight but the sentence:
"When the holo-display was, on..." The comma should go after the word on.


*Snow4* Overall *Snow4*
You did a good job with characters and writing the action scene. It made me want to read more and find out what happens to the crew. I think if you just tweak the beginning a little bit it would be something everyone would want to read!

Keep writing!

If you liked my review, please consider heading to "Game of Thrones" and posting a few cheers for The White Walkers. Thank you!

~Stephanie

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