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Review #4355319
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Foged  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Bryan J Smith, I am reviewing your story "Foged" on the behalf of Game of Thrones here on WDC.

♥ This short story is a boxer and his trainer. The boxer wants to win for quite a few reasons, but he begins to doubt himself, but his trainer gets him right back on track.

♥ Things I noticed/specific suggestions: There were some sentence structure issues as well as spelling errors, but I think that if you were to do another read through you would be able to spot the errors. I will point out a few that really caught my eye.

♥ Spelling/Grammar: There were quite a few spelling and grammar errors. A few times you left out words.

"This guy not lost yet, and he fifteen years younger than I am.” "This guy has not lost a fight yet, and he is fifteen years younger than I am."

Good, good, get some water. The fighter stepped back sweat pouring from his face and moved to the water bottle. <<< Consider revising.

I think it would read better like: The fighter stepped back as sweat poured from his face and moved to the water bottle." or "The fighter stepped back as sweat poured from his face. He moved to the water bottle."

♥ Overall: With a little polishing this story would read better, but for myself the errors did not detract from the story. Thank you so much for writing this short.

This review was given freely in thanks for a writing that was written freely

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