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 Review #4358862 |
 | Crisis Averted  [13+] Two employees don't see eye-to-eye when it comes to fake news.  |
| (4.5)| Hi Purple Celebrates It's me, Ken, and yes, I'm the one who called "Goose" so technically you're getting ... Never mind!  It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your Flash Fiction Short Story, "Crisis Averted" , as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . First Impression/Thoughts: Definitely both a condemnation of "fake news" and the tensions that can arise between otherwise rational people over the concept of reality.  Creativity/Impact:I think your approach to this subject was intriguing, weaving in both a real situation and realistic responses. I'm not sure what the prompt words were but the fact that I didn't notice them speaks highly of your ability to weave them into the story in a natural way. Very creative.  Technique/Technical Notes:I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words  . Title - I thought your title was open ended, allowing the reader to conjure up many scenarios that would attract their attention. The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your story. Well done. Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. The dialogue was natural and carried the story along. I did notice that you switched tenses a few times most notably in the opening paragraph. I think you were going for present tense since this was an observational tale. Form/Flow - The story itself progressed logically and it was clear what was going and who was involved. I know that a 300 word limit is tough when you're trying to tell a story but I think that the subject of the argument could have used a bit more clarification. "Parents who lost children" is just too broad and diverted my attention from the fake news commentary. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: A very entertaining read. I think you found a great balance between story telling and message delivery although I'm still in dark about what the fake news was . You might want to consider this as a basis for entering "The Flash Blog Contest - Closed" . You could expand this story a bit and then have the unnamed "me" write in her blog about some aspect of this. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best, Ken ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/05/2017 @ 1:56pm EDT