I wish you had written much more about you in your biography. It helps, especially in poetry to know more about you. Poetry is such a personal thing and knowing more about the writer helps the reader to 'get in there head' so we interpret the poetry the way it was meant to be read.

Remember that any comments are only my observations and suggestions.

I read through your poem the first time to get a feel of it as a whole. Then again to have it become more familiar. The third time is to look for the places where hopefully I can help make it shine even brighter.

Your rhyming pattern is consistent all the way through. In your second line, I like the way you added 'heavy'. It really does give a heavier feel to the pour souls sadness.

I wondered why you added the comma after missing and now in the fourth line. I've read it with and without the comma after 'missing'. The comma after 'missing' makes it sound as if only just now are you missing her. that it didn't matter before. If that is what you wanted, then there is no problem. However, it sounds like maybe you might want to delete that comma.

Even though we may love the extra exclamation points, it's considered unprofessional. You may want to take the extra ones off after 'touch'.

The seventh line sounds a bit confusing, you don't say you want 'her' to drop a line. I would suggest rewriting that line if you are able.

I love how you got the 'telephone' to fit rhythmically. Very clever of you.

I think 'Outside' should be capitalized. It reads like a new sentence.

I would delete the comma after situation.

She might have beautiful hair, but you were telling of it's fragrance. You may want to replace beautiful with fragrant. Just a suggestion.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn