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 Review #4362481 |
 |  | Ruby Chapter One  [13+] Ruby isn't the average run of the mill high school student. Find out how unique she is.  |
| (4.5)| This is your local Simply Positive Reviewer, here! Your writing has been selected for review, as part of Simply Positive's mission to bring more light on Authors here at WDC! First Impressions: Hello and thanks for allowing me to read and review your lengthy short story entitled: "Ruby Chapter One" .Wow. I mean WOW. As I settled in to read this and contemplate the hectic life of high school, a place I hadn't visited in decades, it all came rushing back to mind and memory. All the competition. All the enthusiasm. All the despair. Every single thing being magnified, blown out of proportion when emotions ran high between people of a certain age group, a certain class. Cliques. Projects. Scholastic sports. On and on and on... This story is not your average newbie story here on Writing.com! You've been warned!  Truth be told, this story is something that proves to me that the author is quite a thinker, and through this writing I can see that the author evolves along with the storyline in so many different ways.Namely, we see that this story has two main characters, being twin sisters and all, and how for a good length of time, we see that there is not so much competition between them so much as just strong dislike. They have a modicum of shared looks physically, but that is where the similarities end. I could go on about this story's alleyways and sidewalks, my terms for stories going off the beaten path, but this author does not make this seem like a chore at all. In fact, this only proves to me that this writer has talent, and like all good writers, took great pains to make sure that the story balanced itself, paragraph by detailed-filled paragraph. Overall Impact: I must say, there was ONE gleaming-bright, amazingly-detailed, oftentimes-revealing quality that this story possesses in HUGE amounts .... and that is.... dialogue. To date, I have never read a Newbie creation on this site whereby so much detailed DIALOGUE was utilized to make ends meet, to reinforce feelings, to "keep the ship on course" ... but this story did! GREAT EFFORT, something I truly love to see in beginners here on this writing site. I have always thought that for most writers, THE most difficult skill to learn and ultimately master....is dialogue. If one has THAT down, becoming a "Five Tool Player" - as we call brilliant players in baseball - can't be far down the road.  I give this story an A+ for effort - it really did bring it with all the attention to detail being attached to this story from start to finish... Errors: One sentence, a tiny error that I thought I'd throw into this review, yet seeing how careful the author IS, it might be a help just the same! The author writes: "... like yen and yang, like the sun and the moon." I believe it is written...."....like yin and yang,...." No biggie fry. Summation: Granted, a word to the author as far as the lengthy aspect of this story - for ME, it was very, very good. It was compelling because the story HAD to be told, the details HAD to be there, the loose ends - wherever they may be - HAD to be tied together. I think one weakness inherent in this story is that not everyone enjoys a good teen story about Life in general and about growing up a twin specifically. You know one idea I thought I'd mention is....twins ALWAYS get that premonition thing going on, they FEEL what the other twin FEELS no matter the distance or time of day. Truthfully, while the author was writing about the many ways they WEREN'T alike, it would make for more interesting reading if the author would put in some UNDENIABLE twin perceptions into the mix. It would stir things up some, and could be an attention grabber or a "hook" as we say in the stock in trade. A VERY VERY decent effort, with a mastery of dialogue that I rarely see in ANY site, much less here on WDC!! KEEP WRITING!!!  Once again, thank you for providing me the opportunity to read and review for Simply Positive; this also has been written in affiliation with
Yours, "Dr.J"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/22/2017 @ 10:11am EDT