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 Review #4362499 |
| (4.0)| This is your local Simply Positive Reviewer, here! Your writing has been selected for review, as part of Simply Positive's mission to bring more light on Authors here at WDC! First Impressions: Hey there, and thanks for allowing me to read/review your story entitled: "Alex" .If one likes paranormal, fast-paced, action-adventure stories, this is an earnest attempt to bring that to the table so to speak, for in reading this, I really did get the impression that the author did their very best to make it entertaining for us from the start. That said, I think that the world in general and North Americans in particular have been struck by so much violence in this world that most ANY story that has to have a 'hook' for the audience sometimes follows the thought process that in order to be acceptable to many, it has to harbor that same violent ways and means. I believe that this is very, very true - and that youth is particularly susceptible to this as well. For example, how could someone working with special effects equipment from the 1970s possibly compete with special effects of today? Its like that, truly and honestly. So, out of the gate, we see that the author is very earnest in their attempt to get a thriller embedded in our Muse, and like I say, this story does not lack for truly trying to get this across, acquire the interest from us as we go from paragraph to paragraph... Overall Impact: I liked the fact that this story welded together many different kinds of "genres" - however loosely it might seem to others reading this story. The author, a Newbie here at Writing.com, pulls out all the stops to get our interest, and yet.... I must be honest with this review in many, many ways... the truth in the matter is, while the action was not all THAT violent, the cuss words were kind of "prodigious"  Remember what I said earlier in the beginning, about society being truly and extraordinarily desensitized? I think the author tried hard to adjust the "script" for this very thing, and I really cannot fault them for trying here... Errors: I don't think typos are the issue here at all. I think that DIALOGUE, if the author would pick some moments out of a busy day no less, to learn some of the basic dialogue skills that would really make this story SHINE so much more.....would be ideal!!  Less gratuitous swearing would be cool, but again, that is only my opinion here. DO KNOW, however, that there is a Rating System here on this site, and that "E" rating stands for "Everyone", and that would include someone's 8 year old sibling, someone's 88 year old Grandmother, so on and so forth. SO...the deal is... we need to RATE this story much much HIGHER on the scale. Or is that lower?!  Cuss words like these means that a XGC or GC Rating is cool, all in all. Just keep that in mind while writing the tough stuff with lots of stronger language. Dialogue and cuss aside, I see that this writing took time and effort - two things I LOVE to see Newbies use! Summation: All in all, a very good effort by the writer who, being Newbie and all, probably has discovered THE PLACE to test the waters with their writing - and in due course, I noticed too that the author asks for feedback in the space beneath the title of this work. I hope the author takes this story, revamps it in places ... and remember too that sometimes "LESS IS MORE". If you set the tone to where the tension in the story is really reaching the gut in a convincing manner, you won't have to use swear words to the max here... And above all, I do hope you will continue to plug away at this story - just keep on keepin' on!!!  Once again, thank you for providing me the opportunity to read and review for Simply Positive; this also has been written in affiliation with
Yours, "Dr.J"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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