I think you have a great idea here and you've presented it with polish and skill. And yet, upon finishing, my reaction was more along the lines of, "Huh. That's creepy," as opposed to the deep psychological shudder that such a conclusion would ordinarily be expected to provoke.

On the other hand, I find that the story has become stuck in my mind, which is not a bad thing for something in this genre. But still, I never got past an intellectual appreciation for the goings on. It didn't quite reach out to me, grab me by the lapels and drag me kicking and screaming back into the demented universe you've created.

I recall another story of yours that I reviewed, where I observed that all your elements were sound, and properly placed, but your timing was way too rushed. I think there might be something of that at work here, as well. But first let me comment on some character dynamics.

You've done a great job setting up the opposition between Gerald and Isabella, and Gerald comes across as one of the more disgusting examples of our species one is likely to encounter. You spare no details, without ever dropping into gratuitous horror-porn. It's enough to know what's going on in his head. It doesn't matter that he has yet to act out his twisted fantasies; we know where he wants to take them.

Isabella is a bit more obscure. When we first encounter her, everything suggests that she is young—Brownie, rather than Girl Scout age. Your first description of her: Soon there was only the little blonde girl standing in the street. Later on, when she is inside Gerald's house, her attitude and the questions she asks definitely suggest someone more knowing and aware, a teenager, and a precocious one at that.

The distinction is important, because we're never quite sure what the Lily Scouts are up to. Are they a band of vigilantes, administering their own brand of frontier justice, or are they, like Gerald, predators, seeking victims for thrill and blood lust? Which ever it is will affect our response to Gerald: if they've identified him as the monster he's trying to hard so be, well then, you reap what you sow and no one's going to shed much of a tear for him. But if the girls are a renegade band of monsters themselves, simply preying on the unfortunate outcasts they encounter, then you put the reader in the uncomfortable position of feeling sorry for Gerald, and I'm not at all sure he's worth our sympathy. That's how it is with readers: if you can't give us someone to cheer for, you have to give them someone to feel sorry for. The problem is, there's insufficient information in the text to know how we're to respond.

As for the timing issue, I think there's an element you've left out; the segue from a harmless transaction involving cookies to full-out horror is kind of neck-wrenching. You've salted clues to suggest that Isabella is setting him up from the start. But no where does Gerald tip his hand and reveal himself as a potential monster. Other than the fact that he's a loathsome character at best and would probably make anyone squeamish, there's not enough to link his secret intentions to the fate that awaits him.

I always like to invoke Disney at times like this. One thing Old Walt understood was how to scare the crap out of the kids, while at the same time causing the adults to wonder, "Gosh. How are they gonna get out of this?" A moment of seeming hopelessness—Pinocchio in the belly of the whale, Wendy captured by Captain Hook, Dumbo torn from his mother, Tramp watching helplessly while Lady is carted off by the dog catcher. This is not a Disney trait, it's simply good story-telling. What needs to happen is a moment of ultimate peril for Isabella, such that she almost is prevented from letting the rest of her crew into the house (which we won't be expecting, caught up, as we are, in Isabella's difficulties).

Letting Gerald move from contemplation of his fantasies to acting on them will give Isabella an opportunity to actually overcome the threat, give the reader a satisfying read and also absolve them from any need to feel sympathy for Gerald. At this point, the motives of the girls are not important. What's important is that Gerald gets what is coming to him, a conclusion around which we can all unite.

This could be published. I hope you find a place for it.