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Review #4371521
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Review by ~ Aqua ~
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi Abby Gayle ! I am Aqua and the following are only my personal opinions. Ultimately, you and only you can decide what works best for your item.

First of all, I see you have recently joined WDC so welcome! I hope you find the community friendly, welcoming and helpful. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask me.

I was searching for something to read and your story appeared. I decided to take a look at it after reading the title of your work. Destiny is a funny thing which makes you see things, realize things, meet people that you did not want to. But I have found that it's always for the better.

Anyway, the title and the theme was very intriguing and pulled the reader into your work. The starting was good and the reader wondered if it was a big thing that Sally had forgotten or a minor thing. Nevertheless, I had started to think it must be a comedy story where the character forgets something very important and everyone laughs in the end.

This was a good flash fiction, but a lot of answers were left unanswered in the end. I wish I was there with Tomas and Sally in Sally's house when they are having the proper chat. Maybe you could write a story in a series with this one or complete the existing one?

I had some suggestions for your work. The blue is copied from your work whereas the black is a possible rewrite and the rest are my additional comments.

==>Sally felt like there was something she forgot
Sally felt like there was something she was forgetting.

==>"I'm Sally," she said, nearly crying, "Tomas! It's me, your twin sister!"
"I'm Sally," she said, nearly crying. "Tomas! It's me, your twin sister!"

It was a good and exciting read and my favourite part was the one where she met her twin brother. You could mention something about their appearance and Sally guessing it was him from his appearance apart from the connection that twins usually feel *Bigsmile*.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Write On!
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 11/08/2017 @ 3:24pm EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4371521