INTRODUCTION

Hello Stuck in the mire ~BlueAsIce ,

I found your item "Invalid Item"  in the request thread and thought that I would drop by to leave you with some of my thoughts. So let's get right into it, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED:

Then There Were None

Something that I have always really liked is the "Then there were none" styles of poems. The sing-songy pattern coupled with the usually morbid content of the poems pairs incredibly well together and has always been one of my favorite styles of poetry.

While a lot of what I like about the poem boils down to the type of poem your writing, I think it's worth mentioning that you did it very well. You worked within the premise to make a unique poem that captures the tone and rhythm that you were looking for very effectively.

Really, really fantastic job.



Read Aloud

The one thing that I would suggest is that you read the poem aloud to yourself to see if there are any instances where the rhythm seems off, or if there are too many syllables in a line. There were one or two instances where it did feel like I had to rush a little to keep up the steady rhythm.

For example:

Eight little Princesses praying up to heaven,
A Guardian went and took one and then there were seven.



I feel like the second line here was a little lengthier than would be ideal for the flow of the poem.

An alternative might look like this:

Eight little Princesses praying up to heaven,
A Guardian took one and then there were seven.

The one bad thing about using this style/format of poem is that it really does only take one extra syllable to make the whole thing sound off - but reading your poem aloud is something that can really, really help you find any areas that might need work. That's something that's a little tricky with this medium, but overall I think you did a really good job.

Eliminations

The one other thing that nagged at me a little bit is that some of the princesses that seemed to get eliminated quite a bit easier than the others.

For example a sprained ankle or being ashamed doesn't seem nearly as bad as being burned or digging ones own grave. Those were the only two that I felt really lacked the impact of the others, but I thought it would be worth mentioning.

CONCLUSION:

Overall I thought the poem was very enjoyable and I think you're off to a really great start with it. I think with just a tad more polishing it will be a very haunting piece and I'd love to see what you do with the rest of the project. I hope that the review was helpful and if you need or want to talk about the piece more, feel free to PM me.


-Cat
















My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .