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Review #4382037
Viewing a review of:
What You Wish For  [13+]
He desires one last item to finish his collection. But is it everything he wished for?
by LdyPhoenix
Review of What You Wish For  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello LdyPhoenix ,

I found your item "What You Wish For"  thanks to it's feature in the most recent Horror/Scary newsletter. I hope that you don't mind me dropping by to leave you with my thoughts on the piece, being a lover of the genre.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Set Up:

I think you did a good job setting up the scene. It's very vivid despite not being very long, and I was able with how well established you were able to create the characters and and environment in such a short amount of time. It's good writing and it really adds to the overall effect of the piece.

*Bats* Subtly:

I like that you didn't spell out the ending. It requires a bit of thought and leaves some room for the reader to make their own interpretations not only of what exactly is happening at the conclusion, but what will follow. To elaborate just a tad more on my other point, I don't think that this type of ending would have worked so well if you hadn't set the piece up as well as you did.

All together, the elements worked greatly.


*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Pacing


The only thing that I think could be improved on is the pacing toward the end. The end itself I think is great, it moves along quickly which I think helps the impact, but I personally would have liked to see a little bit more tension in between the time that Marcus learns he has a competitor and the time that he wins. That would have made it feel like there was more of a conflict and the ending would have seemed all the more shocking.

Of course, that's just a suggestion. There is something to be said for the concise nature of story that you currently have implemented here. There are a lot of good aspects either way.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King



I hope that you enjoyed the review and that it was at least somewhat helpful. I liked reading the piece and I can definitely see why it was featured - congratulations on that by the way. It was an interesting story with some great set up, and I'm glad that I was given the opportunity to read it.

I wish you all the best with this and any other writing endeavors that you find yourself on.

Sincerely,

-Cat

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