Hello Jimminycritic ,

It's good to be reviewing you!

I saw that your item "Damaged sight"  was featured in the most recent Horror/Scary newsletter and so I decided to drop by and give it a read. I hope that you don't mind me dropping by to leave you with my thoughts on the piece, since I'm all about Horror/Scary things.






Premise:

What I liked best about this piece was the premise. A nonbeliever working with magic to honor his fathers dying wishes is a great concept, and the fact that Bill is following through on that desire for his deceased father says a lot about his character - which is great because it gives the reader an attachment to him even though this is a very short story.

Great idea and great character technique.





Lengthen the Story


Although I think you did really great telling your story in such a short amount of time, I do think that the story might have worked better as a longer piece. The premise already lends itself to great sympathy for your main character, Bill, and I would have liked to see that built on a little more as his outlook starts to change. It also would have been really interesting to see more of his character through his relationship to his father - since that is what set the whole thing in motion.

There were also a lot of non-character points that it would have been nice to know more about, such as the spell, how he figures it all out, how it works - and generally just more in the moment details that tied the reader to the action of the story.

I think it would have been hard to work all of that in while keeping the story so short, but I also think there's a lot of interesting potential if you ever want to revisit this concept.




To wrap this all up, I like the story but I would have liked to see more of. The premise was great and Bill seemed very interesting, I just wish that I could have gotten a better insight into his character throughout the situation.

That being said, I'm very glad to have read the piece and I can see why it was included in the newsletter. Congratulations on the feature, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,

-Cat













My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .