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Review #4382120
Viewing a review of:
Plant the Seeds  [E]
Happy New Year in Chinese poetic frame.
by Tinker
Review of Plant the Seeds  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Tinker

It's me, Ken. *Laugh* It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Plant the Seeds"  as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a great story! From so few words, the story unfolds and I could envision the scene as it played out. I was enchanted by the tale and had to reread it so I could actually see the form.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this form was excellent and embodied a wonderful tale. It felt oriental in approach and in the subtle lesson it imparted. Very creative.

*Starr* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "Plant the Seeds." I thought your title was well chosen, offering many possible images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description *Smile*) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it and I think it amplified your title, setting up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing of major error. Your language - while a bit stilted to meet the form requirements - seemed well chosen to reflect the lesson in your poem. I wonder if you should have used a period at the end of line one and then started the second line "Boy." Maybe it's just me *Laugh*.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - This was written is a Chinese form called "Ch'i Yen Shih." Like you, this was something new to me so I really had to count on my fingers to get it right. *Rolling* The general requirement was well met. I know they said, "Usually written with a caesura after the 4th word in a line" which implies that it's not a firm requirement. You only did this with the first line and because my focus was on rhythm of the form, it felt a bit "off balance" for me.

*Starbr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* A clever and enlightening read. I think you found a wonderful balance between storytelling and the technical aspects of the Ch'i Yen Shih form. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/05/2018 @ 2:46pm EST
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