INTRODUCTION

Hello Flying Fox ,

Thanks so much for your formal review request of your item "Foxvalley Prologue & Chapter 1 re-edited" . I always like seeing these requests come in and being exposed to work that I might not have found otherwise. That being said, let's get right into the review.

WHAT I LIKED:

Detail

One of the first things that stood out to me about the piece was the high level of detail. You consistently had vivid descriptions throughout the writing which made the setting easy to picture and the characters feel much more realistic. It's something that I think is really important in all writing- but especially for genres like mysteries where the reader needs to be engaged in the environment you've created.


Tone/Pacing

I did feel like there were times where the high level of detail did slow down the story, and while that is something I normally wouldn't like, it did really make me feel like I was reading a mystery. A downside that I personally find in the genre is that they do tend to burn a lot more slowly than other genres (like horror) that I'm used to reading. That's a personal preference though, and from a more objective standpoint I feel like you really captured the feel that you were going for in this piece.




Formatting

I noticed that the text was centered in the document - and while I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I did wonder if you had a reason for doing that? It was just a question that popped into my mind a couple times while I was reading, so I thought it would be worth mentioning.

Moving Forward

The one overall drawback that I saw is something that could be a problem, but might not be.

I feel like I didn't really identify with any of the characters. Character development is an important part of any story, so that sounds bad, but it's hard to tell.

In the mystery stories I've read (and particularly the ones that I've enjoyed) I feel like the character development has been slow and steady, meaning that while I didn't necessarily identify with them at the beginning, I was very invested by the end. It's hard to see if that's going to be the case here having only read the prologue and the first chapter, but I thought it would be something I should mention so that you now characters are a good thing to focus on moving forward (if that wasn't already your plan - again, it's hard to tell having only read the beginning of a longer piece.)

CONCLUSION:

Mysteries are not my favorite genre, personally, but I think it's a genre that you've really captured the essence of. There's a lot of intrigue in your prologue and the vivid descriptions hold up to most of the mysteries I've read.

I hope that this review has been helpful, and that you keep up the great work!


-Cat
















My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .