Hello Anne Arthur,

Welcome to writing.com! I found you in the "Noticing Newbies" forum and popped over to your profile to give you a review.

I loved your story of Christmastime in Germany. It sounds wonderful. And amazing to be so safe that you could walk alone at night after seeing your friend home.

In the first paragraph, I was really curious as to your age. It's just my opinion, but it would be really nice if you added it, or a school grade, though I think those work differently in different countries. But regardless of that, it's a lovely opening paragraph and this line: "A wonderful whiff of baked apples, cinnamon and caramel sugar greets us." made me feel happy inside. I have fond memories with those smells too.

I thought this line deftly showed the cooperation between children and painted a lovely picture of friendship: "Often losing a mitten, a cap, or a shawl racing down, they are swiftly fetched by another racer and thrown back at its owner."

It warmed my heart to read about how your Opa, expecting you to come in freezing cold, had prepared a solution in advance to help you get warm as fast as safely possible. Your Mami sounds like an amazing cook and loving mother.

I noticed some tense shifts ... sometimes the story is told in past tense, sometimes in present. I'd recommend choosing one and keeping it consistent throughout the whole story. As with any review/critique, though, it's just the reviewer's opinion and we all expect you to take what serves you and toss what doesn't.

I hope you found this review helpful and I hope you are enjoying our writing community!

All the best,
PWheeler

*** WDC Angel Army Review ***
** Image ID #1940845 Unavailable **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .