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Review #4390282
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Shy  
Review by Sally
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi there, Stephen,

My name is Sally. I think we have bumped into each other during the last Project Write World. I hope your WDC life is going well.

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as part of the "Invalid Item" 

Introduction
I didn't realise Rhod Gildbert was shy - you would never know it when he's on television or stage. I guess that's the thing, you can be crippled with shyness inside and forcing yourself to do things out of your comfort zone. This drew me to review your poem today.

First Impressions:
Your poem is certainly full of tangible emotion. I can feel your anxiety and pain especially with 'sweating and then the body shakes'. This shows the reader that being shy is far more than being a little nervous when in public. I'm so sorry that you feel like this.

Technique:
You have written four stanzas with a rather vague form. Each stanza is packed with emotion which I really like. I tend to write darker, emotive poetry so this is my sort of poem.

The lines that touched me the most were,

'Shrouded and surrounded by my blanket of shame' this line is just so sad. Poetically, I love the alliteration which oozes from the 'shhh' sound. I couldn't help thinking how ironic that is when a shy person would probably be mortified if they made an entrance in a completely silent room. I love the dichotomy - very clever indeed.

'A simple thing like crossing the road, just to exist' this makes me understand just how crippling shyness can be. Although it must be painful for you, I commend you for writing this poem to boost awareness of this condition.

Suggestions:
I wasn't sure which form you were using as your rhyme scheme and syllable count changed with each stanza.

I don't write much form poetry so forgive me if this was intentional, but the rhyming did seem erratic with an abab cdee fgfg hiih jkjk rhyming pattern. It meant the poem wasn't as smooth to read as it could have been with a more uniform rhyme scheme. Your erratic syllable count added to this strange pattern when reading aloud. Again though, forgive me if this was a set form.

And finally:
Although this poem was sad to read, I really enjoyed it. You take the reader on an emotive journey, and I couldn't look away from the page. I sincerely hope you can find something that eases your painful shyness.

Sally

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