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Review #4390947
Viewing a review of:
 
I Love You  [E]
Being seperated from child
by Amelia G. Mcneil
Review of I Love You  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Amelia G. Mcneil,

Welcome to writing.com! As a fellow newbie, I hope you love it here as much as I do!

This is a touching, heartfelt poem that you wrote. I could feel your love for your now-grown child. I can only imagine the combined heartache and pride of having your child leave home and be on his own.

I like how you brought the poem full circle by starting with "When I say I love you;
I mean it from the bottom of my heart." and ending with "I love you with all of my heart."

My favorite line was "You are the beat of my heart."

Your grammar and spelling are spot on.

If you'd like a wee bit of constructive criticism, read on. If not, just stop here and know that I enjoyed your emotional poem about motherhood and missing your son. If you do read on, know that as with any review I make, I only intend to be helpful and have no expectations. Meaning, as any reasonable reviewer expects, you can take my suggestion or ignore it as best serves you.

It's really just one little thing... I'd recommend not repeating so many words. In some places, like loving from the heart, it's actually a plus, reinforcing the main idea. But in other places (like the multiple "miss" used) it might be even more powerful to substitute a synonym.

Now, that's just my opinion. And the poem really is beautiful as is.

Welcome to writing.com!

I wish you all the best!
Phoenix

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