Bikerider has reviewed "Invalid Item"  written by Patrece ~

Hi Patrece ~

Review of:

Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #1971412 by Not Available.

I'm reviewing your story for "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  I hope you find my comments on your work helpful.

First Impressions:

I don't usually read poetry, and I rarely, if ever, review a poem. But after reading this I couldn't put it aside without telling you how much I felt as I read this work.




There is so much sorrow here, so much emotion expressed in these words.

It's said that the most poignant love stories are those about unrequited love. I'm guessing that's only said by people who have never experienced it, and this poem proves that for me. No one who hasn't experienced the emotion of lost love could write this poem, showing a clarity of emotion that only experience can bring.

You have weaved a story, not only of your life but of the life of the person who left. He cared only for himself, was not involved in his children's lives, or yours. He finally took his own life, a selfish act, as you point out. All the while love awaited him, if only he looked around.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling:

There is nothing in this poem that should be changed.



I have always felt that some stories, some deep, personal emotions or experience, can only be told with a poem. Sometimes the heart is where we find the words to express ourselves, and I believe that's where poetry is born. You've done an excellent job with showing the sorrow of unrequited love.

I found the final stanza especially emotional:
Cold, empty, alone.
The life you forced me to endure.
Hollow, bitter, lonesome soul.
Love, but a faint, distant blur.

Wow! What a way to end a poem.

You might change my mind about poetry now that I see what I might be missing.

Thank you for sharing your story with this poem.

Keep writing!

Bikerider






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .