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Review #4394454
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Hello BrandoHarris94,

Welcome to Writing.com! I found you in the Noticing Newbies forum and thought I'd give you a welcome review.

You certainly crafted an imaginative science fiction story! It kept my attention the whole way through and you had many vivid images. I liked the surprise ending and how you brought things around full circle.

I'd be shocked too if I saw a silver spacecraft hovering outside my window, so I thought that was realistic thing to include in your story.

I could totally picture a mother scolding her scoffing child in exactly the way you describe in the second paragraph.

In the spirit of helpfulness, I do have some suggestions for improvement. If you want constructive criticism, read on. If not, just know that I enjoyed your story and stop reading right now.

In this sentence: "Her Bible opens neatly on her lap, her hands folded quietly on the open pages." I'd recommend that you change "opens" to "opened" to keep with the past tense flow of the sentence and rest of the paragraph.

In this sentence: "She glared at me with the warning of a hate filled tyrant but I knew she was a loving mother and I sat right down on the floor at her knees." I'd recommend that you add a hyphen between "hate" and "filled" so it looks like this: hate-filled tyrant.

In this sentence: "The spacecraft seem to knowingly predict what I was thinking and began to hover around my house." I'd recommend that you change "seem" to "seemed", again to keep with the past-tense flow/agreement. There are more instances in the rest of the story but rather than annoy you by pointing every one out, I'll just recommend that you read through with an eye for tense agreement. Make sure the non dialogue verbs are all past tense.

In this sentence: "I saw a funny looking two-headed being press it's ugly green faces to its shiny window making itself clearly apparent to my eyes wide in shock!" I recommend removing the apostrophe in "it's" because it's not possessive. So it would just be "its ugly green faces..."
Which is a very interesting thing to say, by the way :) One thing, two faces. Very creative!

In this sentence: ""You or a biology major." I think you meant "You are a biology major." Probably just a typo.

I hope that you realize these are all minor suggestions. The whole of your story is very good and I really enjoyed reading it.

Happy writing!
PWheeler

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