Hello Sunrise Limited,

You crafted a highly emotional poem. It is a different kind of experience than I felt when reading more traditional love poetry but it was very interesting to see this new point of view.

My favorite part was these two lines: "So I can have a moment longer
in those flames." Not sure why. It just struck me as being powerful in its yearning.

In the spirit of helpfulness, I do have some suggestions for improvement.

I think it would read more smoothly if you removed the comma at the end of this line: "There are no stories,"

In this line: "Fallings half the fun." there should be an apostrophe between the "g" and the "s" in "Fallings," making it "Falling's" because you're really saying Falling is, which makes it a contraction.

Lastly, I'd recommend that you remove one or two line spaces between the last and second to last stanzas. There'd still be a dramatic pause but not so much that the reader thinks the poem is over and then is surprised to see more when scrolling down.

That's just my opinion though. Please take what serves you and disregard what does not.

Thank you for sharing your poem!

PWheeler
PS I found it in the "Please Review" section

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